The Philosophy of Stupid
by Nocturnal Dragonfly
Summary: Naruto Uzumaki. Fifteen. Ex-Shinobi. Happy. (AU. Rewrite.)


_"I'm bringing you back."_

 _The sun beamed down on them, a blazing ball of red._

 _Angry. Furious._

 _"There's nothing there for me, Naruto."_

 _Crooked markings snaked across his flesh. Corrupting him from the inside out. His best friend. His 'brother'._

 _"That's not true. You have us! We can help you! We can do it together!"_

 _Treachery is a cold and bitter dish. Force fed until you choke._

 _"All that I have is standing right in front of me. And today, I'll sever that bond."_

 _There were a dozen things Naruto ached to say, all left unsaid._

 _"I made a promise, Sasuke. Even if I have to break you. You're coming home."_

* * *

Dying wasn't as painful as people thought. The pain was there, but it's so faint that it's gone before you even notice. Then, you fall asleep. Naruto's own death felt more like a nightmare than anything else. Although he never bothered to think about it much. This new life he'd been blessed with is all that mattered.

He did not dwell on the past.

"Uzumaki! Did you or did you not do the homework?"

"Yeah," Naruto said, "I did do it. But before that, I found an abandoned pup on the way home and me being who I am, I took the puppy home. Everything was fine and I found myself wondering, why would someone leave this cute puppy alone like that? As it turns out, sensei, the puppy loves to eat paper! It ate my homework and all of the paper in my house! I couldn't do anything about it!"

No one laughed. Not a single giggle.

"Well then, I suppose I have no choice but to give you a zero. Moving on."

Naruto let out a small laugh, pretending to look sorry. He didn't actually do the homework. He probably could and should have, but Naruto didn't really care about the history of Japan. Besides, the bare minimum was more than enough to pass.

Class resumed and he faded away.

* * *

The truth is, Naruto Uzumaki is a loser. No aspiration. No ambition. No interest. Another day staring at the sun didn't change a thing. It never did. Another day spent living a hollow life didn't fill the void, but, he was happy. He was alive.

That's all that mattered.

"Hey! We should go hit the mall today! I found this really cute belt for..."

"Dude. You actually got it! Let's go! I can't wait to play!"

"Sorry guys. My parents have this thing, I can't miss dinner."

What did it mean to be alive? Back then life was much worse for him, but he felt alive. He had a life, with people to fight for. A place where he belonged, however small it may have been. A dream.

Here, there was nothing. Even if there was, could he throw it all away for a replacement?

No. Never. What a revolting thought.

" _I think I'll have Miso tonight._ "

If you stare at the sun, you'll go blind. There's nothing wrong with looking down at your own shadow. Sure, you might miss the light. But who needs that anyway?

With eyes fixed on the sun, you're sure to lose your way.

* * *

"This is the fifth time this week, Naruto-san."

"Are you sure? I feel like you're going easy on me, Shitori-san."

"Is this a game to you?" The first-year scowled, and her posse scowled with her. "I understand you're still relatively new, but you'd do well to correct that terrible attitude of yours soon. How is it that you sleep at night knowing you're holding your peers back?"

Naruto wasn't fazed. He'd stared down worse.

"Your words cut deep, President. But if you must know, I sleep well."

The first-year class president was the only person in Kuoh Academy that Naruto knew on a first name basis. Primarily because it was her responsibility to deal with students like himself, who disturbed the peace.

She fixed her glasses, "Of course you do. Well, if you insist on acting like a child then you should know. Next time I won't be the one to greet you."

A raised brow. "Oh? And who is it that I'll be seeing, then?"

"That's up to you to find out." What a cruel smile. "It's been a pleasure, Naruto-san. You may return to class. Have a good day."

Fuck he hated this place.

No. He loved it. He was lucky.

* * *

What did it mean to be alive anyway? He drew breath. He knew thirst, hunger. Felt anger and pain. His heart thumped in his chest. He could see, taste, feel. He was alive. But there wasn't a thing worth seeing. With every action taken, he felt no drive. No desire to run a never-ending race. The food was bland. He felt cold with no more love to give.

He felt nothing.

Nothing but gratitude for this second chance. Naruto never thought about ending it a thousand times over.

He did not fantasize about the act. Did not dream about it. It was the last thing on his mind.

"Who the hell are you?"

The walk home from the gas station would have been a long one, so he cut through the park to save some time. It was late, but Naruto was more than confident in his own skill.

A full moon hung low and the scent of iron filled his nostrils.

Murder isn't uncommon. People are born to die. Blatant murder, however, is rare in itself.

"Wait. Is that...cosplay?"

A girl no older than him clad in full leather, with black feathered wings spread wide behind her.

"Leave, mortal. Leave now and I won't end your miserable life."

Naruto's vision was bathed in white. When he could see again, his eyes immediately landed on the glowing pole held within the cosplay girl's hand.

It was a lance, crackling with power.

"Okay, so not cosplay."

A broken whimper brought his attention to the twisted outline of another person laying a few feet away from the girl. Naruto recognized the trademark uniform of Kuoh, but not the student. The gaping hole oozing blood inside of the teen's cavity reminded Naruto of the metaphorical one in his.

"Fret not. This one is unlucky. Father bestowed onto him a great power and it put him in the way. You, however, don't have to suffer the same fate. Leave, mortal. I, Raynare the Fallen, shall spare your pitiful existence."

He heard the desperate plea fall from those cracked and bloody lips.

"H-Help...me. Please."

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki is a fool.

"Last I checked it wasn't okay to kill somebody. I think I might have to report this. What a pain."

The sort that spends their entire life trying to be a better person, but it never works out. So they get angry, depressed. The world closes in on and suddenly its difficult to feel.

The type that was born to fail.

"Do you not value your life?" Raynare the Fallen asked.

Naruto understood the look in those eyes well.

I'm going to die.

That's probably what he's thinking. The coldness all he knows.

"I do." He said, smiling. "That's why I can't let you end it. Mine or his."

People never change. They only get better at hiding.

" _You can't save everyone. You can't help anyone._ "

" _I can try._ "

That pathetic look.

Two years living a quiet and thankful life. Soiled. It was that easy.

"So you insist then? A shame. I don't take any joy in killing your kind, mortal."

"Is that so? I don't know about that. The look on your face right now." Naruto set his bag down and did a small stretched. "You keep giving a loser like me a look like that and I'll start thinking you're falling for me."

Raynare seemed amused, "What bravado! I think I'll take my time with you."

"Please do. I'd hate to die a virgin."

With a flick of her wrist, eleven more lances came to life. Gliding about her in a halo of light.

"Goodbye."

Naruto stood his ground, bright blue eyes reflecting the oncoming onslaught. Impassively watching all twelve speed toward him, tearing through the air like bolts of lightning. And all he could think is...

" _Too slow_."

He took a single step to the right, avoiding the first two. He inched his head and the lance overshot its mark. The rest? They missed too.

Raynare the Fallen underestimated him.

" _Perfect._ "

Naruto was in front of her before she could utter her next word or conjure another weapon. Her powers were impressive, but he was still faster. In this moment, she probably felt it too. That same thought running through her mind.

 **I'm going to die.**

He reared his fist back, "Grit your teeth, lady."

* * *

Being stabbed through the chest is an unforgettable experience, Naruto would know. For one, it hurt a lot, and two, it hurt a lot. That's why he could say with one-hundred percent certainty that right now, he'd been stabbed in the chest.

His gaze met Raynare's. A glob of crimson left his lips, he coughed.

"D-Damn it."

Naruto's arm fell and he dropped to his knees. His chin hit his chest. Blood trickled out of his nose and mouth, it seeped onto the lance.

Footsteps echoed behind him.

"Wow...Almost knocked...Clean off."

There was someone else.

Fuck! How could he be so stupid?!

" _I suppose I deserve this_." He could see the wound, the flesh bubbling, fizzing, working to knit itself together.

The lance would not allow it.

He had one shot.

As his torso plummeted, Naruto leaned into it. When the point of the lance hit the cobblestone block, it tore through the wound and sprang out of his back in a show of gore. At this point, Naruto had the decency to scream.

"You put on...the show. It...to find you. Why not...Lord Kokabiel?...interesting."

A pair of brown loafers with big, stupid-looking buckles on the front strutted past him.

"No...worthless. Nothing like..."

Morons.

" _Sorry._ " He thought. Blurry vision latched onto the deathly still body of the Kuoh student. " _I guess I failed you too._ "

[BREAK]

What possessed him to stick his neck out for a complete stranger? As if doing so would change anything or absolve him of his crimes. He could never escape it, no matter how hard he tried.

He was born alone. Grew up alone. Naruto Uzumaki is alone.

" _They've been talking for a while now. Maybe I should say something._ "

When he opened his eyes for the first time since passing out, Naruto was greeted by two girls, both wearing the Kuoh Academy uniform. The first thought that came to mind when he laid eyes on them was that both of these girls were p-r-e-t-t-y.

" _What's with this school?_ "

"Oh? He's awake, Rias."

Naruto took note that he was half-naked. Not cool. They might have laid eyes on the seal.

"Hello, my name is Rias Gremory. This is my ward, Akeno Himejima."

"A pleasure."

Naruto looked down at his chest and noticed last nights wound was already gone. His hand came up to brush the newly formed skin with something akin to awe.

He'd never get used to it.

"The other guy, he's dead right?" Naruto didn't look at them.

"No."

His head shot up, "What?"

A pair of curious melancholy orbs watched him, attempted to peer into his soul. The redhead, Rias, seemed in a trance. So the other one, Akeno, spoke for her.

"He's alive. That's everything we can tell you at the moment. Your valiant struggle wasn't for nothing."

So they were watching too.

Naruto smiled, "That's good." He stood, waved goodbye, and then made for the exit.

"Wait," Akeno said, "you're leaving just like that? Don't you have questions?"

"No." Naruto fixed his collar. "If he's alive that's all that matters. To be honest I shouldn't have meddled anyway. It wasn't my business. Lesson learned I suppose." He shrugged. "Take good care of him for me." He reached for the door and turned the knob, only to find that it wouldn't budge. "What the hell? Is it jammed? No...It's you."

Rias was scowling, her hand out. A faint glow emitting from her fingertips.

More magic. Great.

"You're not going anywhere. We have a few questions for you, Naruto Uzumaki. I'd like for you to stay and answer them, perhaps over tea?"

These two. Such nice features made to conceal the wickedness lurking underneath the skin.

"I hate tea."

He slammed the door for added effect.

* * *

"Hey. Welcome home."

Naruto slipped his shoes off and dragged himself over to the bathroom. His apartment wasn't anything special. Small, remote, quiet. A few clones working the random odd job here and there did things just fine. It was his own slice of heaven.

Except...

"Not today, please. I've had a long day."

"You say that every day."

Naruto splashed water on his face and caught a glimpse of his reflection. He stared at it, trying to recognize the person in the mirror. His hair was longer, the skin that clung to his bones paler. He looked older. Exhausted.

Happy.

"Today is different. I'm tired."

A hand placed itself on his shoulder. Naruto didn't break away from his reflection.

"You're always tired."

"I guess I am."

A thick silence settled between him and it.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Naruto stripped down and entered the shower. Letting the warm water soothe his aching soul.

"No. I don't dwell on the past." he responded, "I don't talk to ghosts."

Soft laughter followed his deceleration.

"Of course you don't. Well, goodnight then, Naruto."

A pause.

"Goodnight, Sasuke."


End file.
